My motivation to write Love and Mental Illness was God. I always wanted to write a book but I didn’t think I could. I started writing in my journal about two years ago. I started my journal with the relationship in the book. I had no idea at the time that was the beginning of something bigger. When I would tell people about that relationship, everyone said that would make for a good movie. I wanted to turn my journal into a book, I didn’t have all the pieces though. Honestly, I thought I was going to have to use a ghost writer but God said, “no Arailyus, you’re going to write this book the way it’s meant to be written. I was sitting in my home office one day and God said to me, “Write the book” Instantly I started typing and the words just came to me. I sent my first chapter to a few people and they all wanted to read more. Initially, writing was a breeze but once I got into my journal things changed. All those feelings and emotions started coming back to me so I stopped writing. I love Pastor Sarah Jakes Roberts because her sermons always hit home in some way and she’s such an anointed woman. I love her and I have never met her. So I stopped writing right, I watched 4 of her sermons and each sermon she said “Write the book” I was like OK God! So I started back. Writing this book was very emotional for me because that is when I was at my lowest. As I write this, I’m doing my final edit and I’m just like damn girl, you went through some shit! That’s what makes for the some of the best stories though, the messy stuff. If I were writing about a perfect relationship, no one would want to read it, but add in some drama, now you have everyone’s attention. It’s like the news, we watch it because we know we’re gonna hear some crazy story. Let me stop though because my life has been pretty blessed lately and I think people would want to read that too. Everyone cheers for the underdog. I think I have gone through every emotion during this process. Understand this, relationships are hard anyway, but add mental illness to that and you have your work cut out for you. One of my greatest and weakest traits is that I love hard. Arailyus now in 2022 would never stay in a relationship like that, but at the time he was the sun and the moon to me, so even though things were bad, I stayed. That’s actually one of the traits of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). And I’ll be honest, if he wouldn’t have broken up with me, I would still be in that relationship going through all that dysfunction. It hurt like hell when Devin broke up with me. I literally was having a mental breakdown and that’s what you see in the book. I cried on God all day every day. Besides losing my mom, this was the hardest thing I had ever gone through. I tried to kill myself over this man. Today that boggles my mind because there is no man or woman that I would ever give my life up for again. But that’s the mental disorders. I have Bipolar 2, BPD, Anxiety, Depression and ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. There is all kind of crazy stuff going through my head at any given time. The medicine that I take is supposed to stabilize my mood and calm the racing thoughts. My mind races constantly though. At any given moment I could be thinking about 10 different things. It’s crazy but believe it or not, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Not too long ago I finally learned to love and accept myself for how God made me. There’s a reason I am the way I am, it’s the way God intended for me to be, mental disorders included. I love myself now and I don’t need the approval of anyone to be me. My mind is very creative. I get different ideas all the time and some of them are actually good. If anything, my mind is what makes me a good writer because I’m trying to explain all the random thoughts going through my head. It’s mentally exhausting but I’m used to it now. Devin didn’t care about my mental disorders. He was in denial about his. He also has BPD and he’s a narcissist, that’s a powerful combination ladies. Narcissists get in your head. They love to play mind games. Listen ladies, they will do whatever it takes to get you to fall in love with them, then the crazy starts coming out, but we don’t leave because we’re in love right?
These men are dangerous! To be honest with you though, I still love him. I would never want to be in a relationship with him again, but I will probably always love him. What me and Devin had was like electricity, he just did something to me. I just recently have gotten this feeling again but it feels different this time. He’s good for my mental health. He loves me for who I am, He’s my biggest cheerleader right now. He puts forth a huge effort with me. I recently got back into fitness and even though he doesn’t work out, he does it with me. Can you say happy and motivated? Y’all will hear about this relationship in a later book. It’s way too soon to know if he could be the one, but for now I am happy, very happy. I can talk, can’t I? lol no, but thank you for stopping by and showing me some love. I can’t wait for you guys to read my book! Be sure to leave a review. Arailyus out #peacesign