Stuntin Like My Daddy

I never thought I’d find myself in a position so similar to my dad's. He used to smoke cigarettes, and I remember how he’d justify his habit by collecting those little coupons or points that came with each pack. It was his way of rationalizing something he knew wasn’t good for him. Those points, to him, somehow made it all worth it.

I realize now that I’ve been doing the same thing with weed. I’ve convinced myself that smoking is what fuels my creativity, that it’s what helps me cope with loneliness, anxiety, and the constant swirl of thoughts in my head. Weed has become my crutch, my excuse, my reason for feeling okay about things that, in reality, are far from okay.

But here’s the thing: I had my creativity long before I ever picked up weed. I was creating as a child, back when the only thing I needed to spark my imagination was a quiet moment and my own thoughts. Now, I’ve been telling myself that weed is the key, when really, it’s been holding me back, keeping me stuck in a cycle of overthinking and masking the real issues instead of facing them.

Just like in a recent post I made about how we can end up making other people our gods, I see now that I’ve been doing the same thing with weed. I’ve let it become a false idol in my life, something I’ve looked to for comfort and escape instead of turning to God, who is the true source of my strength and creativity.

God is moving in my life. I can feel it in the shifts and changes happening all around me, and I believe that when the time is right, He’s going to take this addiction away from me. But I’m also learning that I have to be ready to let go, to stop justifying the things that are hurting me, and to trust in Him to fill the gaps that weed has been covering up.

Every day is a new challenge, and I can see how this battle is affecting not just my personal life but my work as well. My mind is constantly shifting, jumping from one thing to the next, making it hard to focus, to stay grounded. It’s another reason I need to break free from this habit—so I can get back to being the person I know I am meant to be, without the haze of weed clouding my vision.

This is a journey, and it’s one I’m finally ready to face with open eyes and an open heart. God’s timing is perfect, and I’m trusting Him to guide me through this, to take away my need for weed, and to help me reclaim the creativity and peace that I know can only come from Him.