The Detox (Deliverance Every Time Obedience eXists)

The music was loud, the crowd was electric, and Mya’s heart was racing with excitement. She was sitting high up on a float, waving like a queen in the middle of the biggest parade the city had ever seen.

As her turn came, she stood up, with excitement and anticipation, ready to hear the crowd cheer:

“You made it, Mya!”

“1 year strong!”

She imagined strangers crying, clapping, pointing her out to their kids: “See? That’s what perseverance looks like.”

This was what she’d been waiting for.

The validation. The recognition. The proof that every lonely night, every “no” when her body screamed “yes,” every tear-soaked prayer was worth it.

But just as she stepped into the spotlight, the crowd vanished.

The music stopped.

The confetti froze mid-air.

She blinked and looked around, and found that she was no longer on a float. She was sitting on the edge of her bed, staring at the cupcake she’d bought herself to celebrate her birthday/celiversary.

No parade.

No applause.

Just silence.

_________

And that’s when the lies crept in.

“Nobody cares about you. You could disappear tomorrow and it wouldn’t matter.”

“You’ve always been the one who gives everything and still gets left behind.”

“At least back then, you knew how to make people stay. You’d give your body, your time, your money, whatever it took. And now? Look at you. Alone.”

Mya knew these were lies, but they were rooted in truth.

Because for years, she believed them. She believed she had to over-give just to keep people in her life. That if she didn’t sacrifice a piece of herself, she’d be abandoned.

And abandonment was her biggest fear.

⸻

She whispered to herself, almost out loud, “This is the detox.”

Because what Mya had learned was that celibacy wasn’t just about sex. It was about God ripping up every toxic root in her soul and forcing her to face the truth.

And the truth was…she felt naked.

Not physically, but Spiritually & Emotionally.

Like God had peeled off every layer she used to hide behind and left her standing in the wilderness with no one but Him.

It was lonely. It was uncomfortable. And with her BPD, the lack of attention felt like a slow death to her already bruised ego.

⸻

That night she prayed, “God, I don’t want to go back, but this hurts. I feel invisible. Please help me.”

But instead of comfort, the dreams came.

Sex dreams so real, so intense, so vivid she woke up in a sweat, heart pounding, wondering if she’d undone all her progress in her sleep.

And it wasn’t just the dreams. Her body was restless. She’d done enough research to know that a year without intimacy rewires your hormones. She’d read how dopamine and oxytocin don’t just stop; your body craves them.

“Great,” she muttered. “So my body is literally screaming at me for 🍆 too 😩”

⸻

And that’s when she remembered the verse from a sermon she had listened to earlier:

“We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” (Ephesians 6:12)

This wasn’t just biology. This was spiritual warfare.

Those dreams, those cravings, the random waves of loneliness, none of it was coincidence.

She grabbed her Bible and read Ephesians 6 out loud.

“I put on the helmet of salvation. I take up the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God…”

It felt awkward at first, whispering scriptures at 3 a.m. in her pajamas. But as she read, the lies in her head got quieter.

⸻

“This is what detox feels like,” she wrote in her journal the next morning. “God is stripping away every false belief I’ve ever clung to. And it’s uncomfortable. But I’m not going back.”

She closed the journal and looked around her quiet room.

No parade. No applause. No fireworks.

But she was still here.

Still standing.

Still choosing God.

And that was worth clapping for.

⸻

Can you relate to what Mya’s going through? Drop a comment, share this blog with someone who needs it, and subscribe so you don’t miss the next part of the journey.

We’re just getting started. Come back for Episode 2: The Cut Off because this DETOX is far from over.